Self destruct in 5 seconds

We’re our own worst enemies.

It’s normal to feel emotions like betrayal. There’s someone lately who I feel has betrayed me, who has let me down and treated me badly and I feel like I need justification and an explanation of his actions for my own peace of mind. But you know what I realised? He isn’t thinking about me, he’s not feeling guilty about what he’s done, hell, he probably doesn’t even realised he’s upset me. I’m making myself upset by thinking about it so much, by longing for answers that I’ll never get.

We’re all so self destructive, caring too much about things and people who aren’t doing the same. Wasting energy is all it is. I’m going to try and forget people who have forgotten me when they were too busy being reckless.

People always have the tools to destroy others and often they will but if we’re a little less self-pitying and self-loathing we can maybe destroy the self destructive part of ourselves.

Tes.

First date kisses

First dates are usually awkward because of all the nerves and usually you’re both still getting to know each other but I’ve been very lucky in the first-date department and have managed to steer clear of awkward silences and fake laughter.

Having said that, I’ve never been kissed on a first date. I know some girls have that as a rule ( you know, wont kiss on the first date, wont etc.) but I don’t follow these damn rules so I don’t understand how this has happened on every date I’ve been on (not that I’ve been on a bucketful of dates). It’s like a pattern: meet the guy, guy asks me out, have a good date and then no kiss, then me at home feeling a little disappointed. After my last date I had a chat with my best friend “I don’t understand why it happens EVERY single time, I must give off a don’t-kiss-me kinda vibe” and my friend just replied “of course not, people just don’t kiss on the first date”.

People don’t kiss on the first date? well that’s news to me and not news I appreciate. Whilst I appreciate guys being respectful towards me and acting like gentlemen, I guess I’m still a little insecure and being viewed as a kiss-free zone is anything but flattering.

Let’s hope second dates are a bit more romantic…

Tes.

Playing games

There are certain unwritten rules and rituals that every teenager and young adult knows. Unwillingly we all obey these rules meaning we’re all playing games. What I am talking about of course is relationships.

Who makes the first move? Is it okay to text the day after you meet or is that too eager? How soon in to the relationship can you say ‘ I love you’ ? There are so many questions but  in reality there is not just one answer. Every relationship works differently. None of my friends approach relationships in the same manner because we’re all different therefore it only makes sense to have different approaches towards our love life.

What I hate though is the feeling that you have to do certain things when you first meet someone new. Courtship in this day and age is far from romantic- it’s stressful. Both parties realise they’re trying to leave a good impression but in reality are just lying to each other and themselves. Isn’t it best to just be yourself? Do what you feel is right instead of what you’ve been told you should do?

I’m far from a relationship guru but I’ve seen this game played in a million different ways and I myself have done this too. At the end of the day, It’s best to be yourself, they’ll discover the real you soon enough- better sooner than later right?

Playing games is something both sexes are familiar with and guilty of. As someone who hates the concept of relationships regardless- I think that relationships should remain a game-free zone. It’s easy- two people like each other, one asks the other on a date and then they take it from there. Let’s not overcomplicate things guys 😉

Tes.

Growing Up

I wouldn’t classify myself as a grown up, I still have a lot of maturing to do but I’m getting there… it’s just taking an awfully long time before I feel sure enough to call myself an adult.

One thing I’ve learnt though this is that growing up means growing out of things. I realised I no longer fit into my girly pink bedroom and so painted it a deeper purple, I don’t go on social networking sites as often as I used to and I have to do lists on my phone instead of time-consuming apps. All these things are inevitable when becoming an adult, they’re just acquiring different tastes and thinking in a more mature manner and truth be told we all know that we’re going to have to change a few things as we get older because there is nothing worse than someone who doesn’t act age appropriate.

Although I may accept changing tastes and hobbies slightly, there is one thing that I never thought I’d grow out of…my friends. When you have people you’re close to and share everything with it’s impossible to imagine your life without them, they become like family and when you know them for a long time you start to see them as part of your future. Looking back on the past few months, it’s obvious how much I’ve changed and how unwilling I am to deal with certain behaviour which sadly my best friend has started to possess. Over the past few years I’ve had many arguments and fall outs as everyone does but I thought that was something I left behind with childhood.

On a daily basis I deal with people who are determined to ignore me or hate me because of some petty issue- that I can deal with, but distance in a relationship for no reason at all? It hurts a lot because I know there’s not much to do- we’ve grown apart because we’ve grown up and with that the friendship I once thought would be unbreakable has slowly started to deteriorate and soon enough will be too weak to save.

Tes.