Sadness is like a drug. It distorts everything but you become so used to it that taking it away becomes abnormal. I don’t even know what it means to be happy. I have everything I need and a hell of a lot more but I can’t shake the feeling of sadness and it’s almost embarrassing to say that out loud because I know that my problems and insecurities and all that jazz are nothing compared to what 99.99% of the rest of the world has to go through. Every life comes with struggles but even the people with the darkest secrets and heaviest loads manage to be happy- so what’s stopping me from truly finding happiness? Not just getting glimpses and good days but being able to see the beauty in life again and never having to fake a smile. That’s what I want to achieve in this life.



Like a chandelier

Often the people who look the most beautiful or seem perfect are the ones who are so fragile. What I’ve noticed is that people who have real problems, not just boy trouble or stress from an exam I’m talking about real heavy and emotionally challenging problems, well those people don’t talk about them.

Think of something fragile: glass, porcelain or a perfect hanging chandelier, all stunning and so fragile, so ready to break at any moment. I know I sound ridiculous but I mustn’t be the only one… when I see a sad film what strikes me the most is how beautiful the moment is, the moment when someone hugs goodbye to their best friend, kisses their lover for the last time or the moment when someone realises that the most important person in their life has died. That’s what makes sad films so popular, the fact that the moments are devastatingly beautiful and I know this sounds terrible but often people are at their most beautiful when they’re at their worst. I’m in no way saying sniffling and mascara running down your face is glamorous but I think that when we open up our emotions, when we’re unafraid of being judged-that is when the human race is at it its most beautiful.

Humans have evolved to be self-sufficient and masked. We learn to not show who we really are, we learn to put ourselves first because we’re told that we will be hurt, we’re told that the world is a terrible place and it absolutely is, it sucks… but only a bit at a time. We can have bad days, bad weeks or even a bad year but it always gets better- think about it, doesn’t it always get better?

There are so many people who appear to have these flawless lives but are breaking apart inside, the most composed, and the girl with the prettiest smile are often the ones who are suffering the most. Like a chandelier they can break down and fall to the ground in seconds… beauty doesn’t mean power.