Sadness

Sadness is like a drug. It distorts everything but you become so used to it that taking it away becomes abnormal. I don’t even know what it means to be happy. I have everything I need and a hell of a lot more but I can’t shake the feeling of sadness and it’s almost embarrassing to say that out loud because I know that my problems and insecurities and all that jazz are nothing compared to what 99.99% of the rest of the world has to go through. Every life comes with struggles but even the people with the darkest secrets and heaviest loads manage to be happy- so what’s stopping me from truly finding happiness? Not just getting glimpses and good days but being able to see the beauty in life again and never having to fake a smile. That’s what I want to achieve in this life.

Tes.

What are you thinking about?

Your know life is pretty damn confusing. I don’t think it ever stops surprising you.

I was speaking to my friend the other day and I said to her “I think I just think differently to other people” she replied saying “yea, you really do but I don’t really think anyone thinks the same” and you know what? I think she’s right. If we all thought the same way then there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings, we wouldn’t judge (or be judged) and we’d all have the same morals. Thinking in different ways is what makes life so confusing and crazy but I’d rather that than the alternative- a world where you’re essentially exactly the same as those around you.

I think every young teenage girl goes through a stage of thinking no-one understands them and of feeling completely lonely but now I’m older I realise that wasn’t really a phase, that most of the time there will be people who don’t understand you and that’s fine. What really counts is people who want to be able to understand you even if they have no clue what you’re on about.

Tes.