I have enough friends…

let’s just be friends”…exactly the words I didn’t expect to be saying yesterday.

So I’ve known this guy a few months now and things seemed to be going great, we text every day and have great fun when we’re together- there’s even been a cheeky kiss each time we’ve met up. So yesterday I was looking forward to seeing him again. The day started of great, we were normal and playful and it was lovely but by a sharp turn of events he explained he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I kept my cool, was calm and collected and then came the string of clichés and sickening phrases:

“It’s not you, it’s me”

“I just need to be single right now”

“If I’d met you 6 months ago things would be different”

“Any guy would be lucky to have you”

and then… “I’m still in love with my ex”

Well what the hell am I meant to say to that? Needless to say I felt incredibly insecure and stupid and pathetic. It was awful, I was asking questions to understand what I’d done wrong whilst trying to hold back tears as much as possible. I’d never felt more like a teenage girl in my life.

Of course my heart wasn’t broken and it wasn’t the end of the world. He was lovely in his attempts to console me as I sat on a very cold park bench trying to look a bit less of a mess.I just couldn’t help feeling as though there was something fundamentally wrong with me. It was another “not this again” moment. I know I’m young and still have a while before I’m crowned spinster but it really does suck when you think things might go somewhere and then you get rejected quite suddenly.

I was more upset over the face another guy didn’t want me than because I couldn’t be this guy’s girlfriend- Just another guy to add to the list.

The annoying thing is we do get along really well, so whilst my emotions where going crazy I managed to stay reasonable. I didn’t (luckily) say anything I regretted and we both agreed we do like each others company and will stay friends (let’s see how that works out).

So there you have it.

Another friend to add to my list. Guess what though? still no boyfriend.

Tes.

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Mwuahh

What’s in a kiss?

It’s such a simple action, everyone knows how to kiss- it’s instinct but I think kissing has lost its  meaning over the years.

You know in those soppy romantic films? The ones where you watch the girl and the boy fall in love after dealing with all these struggles and problems, tears and heartache? The most important part of those films is the kiss. Usually right at the end of the film, with an upbeat song in the background, the boy leans in and kisses the girl and it just seems perfect. It’s as if they’re the most important thing in the world in that moment. I’m only young but I know full well I will never experience a kiss that makes me feel like that.

Kissing nowadays is almost as casual as saying hello. You cant expect to do any kind of social activity without someone hooking up with someone. Parties, gatherings or anything that involves alcohol will enivitably mean that someone will end up being kissed and although we are still yound and this is what youth does, the romantic in me feels as if that isn’t enough. I grew up expecting every kiss to be like the perfect-movie-being-swept-of-my-feet-kissed-in-the-rain-world-becomes-a-blur kiss and so far- nothing. I think in the society I live in, kissing isn’t a significant romantic stand-alone action but more just a prelude to sex or even just a casual ‘activity’ as such.

I dont think its fair to say romance is dead but in my generation- it’s certainly dying.

Tes.