What are you thinking about?

Your know life is pretty damn confusing. I don’t think it ever stops surprising you.

I was speaking to my friend the other day and I said to her “I think I just think differently to other people” she replied saying “yea, you really do but I don’t really think anyone thinks the same” and you know what? I think she’s right. If we all thought the same way then there wouldn’t be any misunderstandings, we wouldn’t judge (or be judged) and we’d all have the same morals. Thinking in different ways is what makes life so confusing and crazy but I’d rather that than the alternative- a world where you’re essentially exactly the same as those around you.

I think every young teenage girl goes through a stage of thinking no-one understands them and of feeling completely lonely but now I’m older I realise that wasn’t really a phase, that most of the time there will be people who don’t understand you and that’s fine. What really counts is people who want to be able to understand you even if they have no clue what you’re on about.



Being a Fresher

“It will be the best 2 weeks of your life” they said, “It’s the most amazing thing you’ll ever experience” they said…and were they right? NO!

So in the UK people in their first year of University are referred to as ‘freshers’ and in our first week of university the university’s student union plans a whole load of themed nights, club visits etc.in order for us to meet the people we’re going to be studying for the next few years.

I had high hopes for freshers, hopes of me going out every night and having a crazy time with all the fun new people I’d met and not at any point when imagining what my freshers would be like did I see myself: throwing up in my new room, getting the flu, literally drowning in work or having to wait an hour in the rain for a bus to take me back to my accommodation but guess what? all of these things happened.

Freshers is an actual nightmare, most nights had terrible music and the club-nights involved A LOT of waiting in the rain for buses. Also my university sneakily planned talks and lectures at 8 or 9am meaning I spent the whole fortnight sleep deprived…then ill (fresher’s flu is not a myth people! I’m writing this from bed with a box of tissues on my lap).

Then there’s the big ‘A’- alcohol. Give a bunch of young adults alcohol and what will they do? make fools of themselves and then throw up. I’m usually very good at holding my drink and have never thrown up because of alcohol… well never until freshers-the first night of freshers to be precise (there’s nothing like throwing up in your room and waking up on the floor with your plastic handcuffs still attached to your wrist to help you make a good first impression to your new house-mates).

After all these obviously pleasant experiences in the past fortnight I asked myself “why did everyone tell me it was going to be so amazing? Am I the only one who thinks fresher’s is more messy than fun?” then it hit me, of course not. Fresher’s week is not amazing (I cant speak for everyone but almost every fresher I know has said the same thing) the reason people have such fond memories of it is not because of how great the parties and clubs and music were but because in 3 years time when they graduate we wont remember the puke, the flu or the way-too early morning starts…they’ll be left with the memories and stories and hell! During the past 2 weeks I’ve found myself quite a collection of stories.

So all in all freshers was a bit of a disaster, nothing at all like I expected and university is still pretty new, big and scary but I’m loving it. who knew getting a degree would prove so messy?


First date kisses

First dates are usually awkward because of all the nerves and usually you’re both still getting to know each other but I’ve been very lucky in the first-date department and have managed to steer clear of awkward silences and fake laughter.

Having said that, I’ve never been kissed on a first date. I know some girls have that as a rule ( you know, wont kiss on the first date, wont etc.) but I don’t follow these damn rules so I don’t understand how this has happened on every date I’ve been on (not that I’ve been on a bucketful of dates). It’s like a pattern: meet the guy, guy asks me out, have a good date and then no kiss, then me at home feeling a little disappointed. After my last date I had a chat with my best friend “I don’t understand why it happens EVERY single time, I must give off a don’t-kiss-me kinda vibe” and my friend just replied “of course not, people just don’t kiss on the first date”.

People don’t kiss on the first date? well that’s news to me and not news I appreciate. Whilst I appreciate guys being respectful towards me and acting like gentlemen, I guess I’m still a little insecure and being viewed as a kiss-free zone is anything but flattering.

Let’s hope second dates are a bit more romantic…


The elusive Mr Grey

So I’m ashamed to admit it but I caved in and read the damn book. For those of you who don’t know (I don’t understand how you’ve managed to avoid the subject) 50 shades of Grey is the best selling novel by writer E L James. It is quite truthfully what everyone’s been talking about and after being bombarded with it, curiosity got the better of me and I bought myself a copy.

The book wasn’t bad but it definitely did not live up to its name. God knows why it’s been given so much praise and attention. Screw turning me on this book annoyed me more than anything else and I’m sure that’s not what Mrs James’ intentions were when writing it.

The thing that annoyed me the most was the fact it was fan fiction. I have no issue with fan fiction at all but when it becomes a best seller and is more talked about than the book it’s based on? well then for me it becomes irritating. I read the first two books in the Twilight saga and I have to admit I am not a huge fan- maybe that could play a part in my disappointment? I guess you gotta be a fan to appreciate the fan fiction.

I was quite wary about reading the book seeing as I usually cringe at sex scenes on tv but this was only because I was expecting the book to be a lot more raunchy. Most books have scenes of a sexual nature in them and yes, this book was a lot more explicit but I expected it to go into a lot more detail and be a lot more shocking. Having said that, a friend of mine bought the book before me and couldn’t finish it because she said that the sex scenes made her feel to awkward.I was not phased by it at all, E L James does portray a rather vivid picture of what goes on behind Mr Grey’s doors but if you’re searching for a super dirty, saucy book I’m pretty sure there are other books that can fill that need better.

Then there’s the matter of the characters. When reading Twilight I was indecisive on whether or not I liked Miss Bella Swan and when the film adaptation came out I decided I very much disliked the socially awkward, obsessive and plain girl. As Anastasia Steele is based on Bella Swan I rather expected to dislike her too. As a protagonist I found her rather pathetic (but this is mainly due to the storyline) I think I’ll have to read the other books in the trilogy before forming a fair opinion on her. Then there’s the elusive Mr Christian Grey- the ideal man eh? I have to give it to her, E L James did succeed in creating a desirable male lead in her novel but only because she thrust together so many qualities that the women readers would have to be attracted to at least something of his personality! I mean he’s handsome, rich, sexy, mysterious, generous, successful… we are intrigued by him and I guess that’s essential to the story- we learn about him alongside Anastasia.

The blurb describes this novel as romantic. Ha. Sex is obviously a big part of relationships but Mr Grey and Miss Steele’s ‘relationship’ is a far cry from the old fashioned romance that is flowers, hand-holding and kisses on her doorstep. The novel seems to use sex to distract from the appallingly poor, basic and cliche storyline. I also think that the novel is too forced, It’s as if I kept being told “you should find this sexy” and “isn’t this so risque and exciting?” when in reality a girl like Anastasia would never even consider being a part of Grey’s disturbing and damaged world. This novel is far from believable and if you’re a fan of well-written intellectual books than I’d leave this one at the book store.

Finally, the worst part of it all- the ending. Cliffhangers may work in soap opera’s but I think that ending the book in such an abrupt manner is just a tacky way to sell the sequel.

This is just my humble opinion of course, if you are intrigued or just want to see what the fuss is about then I suggest you read it, if only to satisfy your curiosity but as you are probably aware by now-I was left quite dissatisfied.


The Olympics make me feel fat

Jessica EnnisSo the Olympics are in my country. I’ve lived in London my whole life and love it so much but as a Londoner I feel I have license to criticise. London is very multicultural and that’s lovely as it means that we all grow up aware of different cultures and countries and traditions but it does mean that we have very little that we can identify as solely British. As a result I thought that hosting the Olympics may be a bit disastrous if not just plain boring but I can safely say that London has been doing a good job. They’re doing everything expected of them and I think we’re being good hosts.

So I’ve been proven wrong, well done team GB- we’re managing just fine. I thought that I would find the Olympics boring and that it would prove too hectic being in the middle of it all but I’m actually enjoying watching a few of the events and as I said before, I am content with Britain’s hosting skills (also was pleasantly surprised with the opening ceremony). The only thing that I am disliking about the Olympics is how unfit it makes me feel. I hate sport and I’m not pretending I enjoy it in any way but the Olympics are a constant reminder of why I should exercise more.

The beaming athletes with their rock hard abs and perfectly toned legs… things I could only dream of! talent and a good body. My parents raised me to be creative and well, they did a good job at that I guess but they never forced me to be sporty (admittedly because I lack key skills such as hand eye co ordination) I’m a good swimmer as I’ve been swimming since the age of 2 but bar that- absolutely no sporting abilities.

So as I lay on my sofa sipping my coffee watching the rest of the Olympics, I will be patriotic and enthused for my teams and the athletes that represent them. However, In addition to that I will also be feeling incredibly jealous of all the athletes competing and feel a bit bad about myself and my belly, thighs, arms etc…



I love reading. Always have, always will- Ever since I was a little girl I loved the places that books could take me and how authors could make me feel as though I knew the characters. I have treasured books form a young age, I relished trips to the library and could not enter a bookshop without begging for a novel. What can I say- I am a complete geek when it comes to books. I admire authors so much and envy their creativity and imagination, their ability to make readers feel and witness and create. I very rarely cry at films but books…well.

I have a rather stupid weakness and often become too emotionally attached to the characters. I smile when the protagonist realises her love for her best friend, cry when dramatic irony allows me to understand what awful pain the main characters actions will eventually cause them and always, always, always feel empty when I finish a book. I know it sounds incredibly cheesy and corny but in some respects finishing a book is like returning from holiday, you enjoyed it but you cant help but thinking “Now what?” as you are forced to settle back into reality. I realise most people reading this will find me incredibly strange and I guess only true book-lovers will understand what I mean.

I am currently reading the Hunger Games trilogy as a bit of light reading and they are very good books- I got through the first 2 in a day and a half. I have a pile in my room of books that I am eager to read and I actually get excited in thinking that I now have a chance to read all of them now that I’ve finished school.

Another thing which I strongly believe in is that books are better than films- they always are! especially when you read the books first and create all these images and ideas in your mind, only for them all to be shattered in the film by the director’s interpretation. Of course some films are amazing, stunning, breathtaking but I believe that 99.9% of the time a book will be better than it’s film equivalent.



Playing games

There are certain unwritten rules and rituals that every teenager and young adult knows. Unwillingly we all obey these rules meaning we’re all playing games. What I am talking about of course is relationships.

Who makes the first move? Is it okay to text the day after you meet or is that too eager? How soon in to the relationship can you say ‘ I love you’ ? There are so many questions but  in reality there is not just one answer. Every relationship works differently. None of my friends approach relationships in the same manner because we’re all different therefore it only makes sense to have different approaches towards our love life.

What I hate though is the feeling that you have to do certain things when you first meet someone new. Courtship in this day and age is far from romantic- it’s stressful. Both parties realise they’re trying to leave a good impression but in reality are just lying to each other and themselves. Isn’t it best to just be yourself? Do what you feel is right instead of what you’ve been told you should do?

I’m far from a relationship guru but I’ve seen this game played in a million different ways and I myself have done this too. At the end of the day, It’s best to be yourself, they’ll discover the real you soon enough- better sooner than later right?

Playing games is something both sexes are familiar with and guilty of. As someone who hates the concept of relationships regardless- I think that relationships should remain a game-free zone. It’s easy- two people like each other, one asks the other on a date and then they take it from there. Let’s not overcomplicate things guys 😉