Everyone told me that 18 is the best age- legal and able to do anything I want but still young enough for it to be okay to mess up. I’m not so sure. See, being 18 has had it’s perks, I can drink legally, live by myself and go clubbing- all the things I’d dreamed of since I was a little girl.
But thinking of all these perks, well, It’s made me very aware of how quickly I’m ‘growing up’. I mean I’m 18. I don’t live with my parents any more, I’ve taken out loans and am in control of my own finances, I buy my own groceries and cleaning products. In short, I look after myself now and It’s bloody terrifying.
It almost feels as though as we get older and our lives become more serious and hectic, we simultaneously decide that we have to be less reliant on others. Call me naive but isn’t this when we most need the support of others?
I was in such a rush to get here. To finally have complete control of my whole life and now I understand why people told me to be a kid, I’d give anything to relive my childhood, where my mum could fix all my problems and when I thought independence was choosing my own outfit.
Life isn’t simple any more and whilst it is more real now and more exciting… I cant help feeling a little nostalgic at times and wishing that someone would take me back to when every day was an adventure, when life still seemed so beautiful and I didn’t have to worry about a damn thing.
The beauty of having an imagination is that you’re able to experience things you normally wouldn’t if you were simply living your normal life. Some people are leading these amazing inspiring lives and yet here I am, sitting at my computer writing this instead of going out in the world inspiring someone. I like to think I have a good imagination, every night before I go to sleep I conjure up thoughts of what I want to happen in the future and dream of what could be. That’s not to say that I’m unhappy with my life at the moment but I think that I could be happier, that I could make the beautiful moments I imagine become a reality.
“We live in the hope of becoming a memory”
I’m not quite sure who said that but I remember coming across it once and that’s exactly my view on life. It sounds stupid but if I die having made no impact in the world, then what was the point of me living at all? I want people to read my obituary and think “damn. She’s amazing” but in order to that, I’m going to have to do something amazing and I think it’s best to do this whilst I’m still young. I turn 18 in a month and instead of spending my first year as a legal adult clubbing, drinking and spending way too much time thinking about boys (although I guarantee I’ll probably be doing that too) I vow that I will also be doing things worth doing and at least making someone’s life a little bit happier.
I haven’t thought of just how yet and I’m honestly not much of a carpe dium person so I urge anyone who reads this to give me some suggestions. As Anne Frank wrote “How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” I’m not saying that I’m powerful enough to improve the world because honestly I am so insignificant. Yet, anyone can make a little difference and I’m starting small but at least I’m starting to make a change to my life and hopefully that will possibly affect someone else’s.